Have you ever been in a position where the more you say to help the
situation, the further your guy back off? Here you are, trying to
"talk" things through and find a solution and he is just shutting you
out. Just how do you get him to listen? Surprise surprise, you are
really not making things any better because your boyfriend have adopted
a "switch off" option with what you have to say.
Sometimes, a partner will choose to not participate in a disagreement
when he know he have no chance of out-talking you. Instead of creating
an argument, guys will sometimes take the easy way out by "tuning out"
on you. Although this approach is immediately good to avoid arguments,
sooner or later, your guy will burst and all hell will let loose. Plus,
you do not want him to get used to tuning out on you.
If you want to salvage the relationship, stop right now. Stop the
complaining and start to listen and seek to understand. If you really
need to let out, write it all down in a piece paper, and then destroy
it. You might not realize it but when you write it down, your
conversation pattern becomes apparent. Are you repeating
yourself? Are you talking about things that cannot be changed / beyond
your capacity of changing? How would you feel if you are the recipient
of such speech? Destroying the paper you wrote on will seal the lid
tight of what you wanted out of your system.
When you do this analysis in private rather than in a heated argument,
you tend to be able to act more wisely. You'll see that it is not worth
it to aggravate the issue any further since the other party has chose
to ignore you. You'll see that this is not the appropriate time or
method to handle the situation.
If you are constantly arguing with your current or ex boyfriend, it is
important for you to use your "debating" mode sparringly in order to
maintain its efficiency. Start abusing your rights and you are bound to
get shut away. Likewise, you will be interested to know what a normally
quiet person have to complaint about, rather than a complaint coming
from someone who is loud and hard to please.
Don't be afraid to mellow down to give space to each other to calm down
and process the issue for what it is. You will not be short changed
when you take a step back. Just let go so your oher half can begin to
take a step up and communicate for real. The dynamic of how the issue
is handled will be an opportunity for you and your boyfriend to
solidify your future relationship.
If you are in the midst of trying to get your ex boyfriend back,
remember to give room for him to breathe and talk back like in a
healthy relationship. Once you have established your reputation as the
one who over exercise her rights to complaint, it is very hard to get
your him to come back. No one is stupid enough to put up with bad
treatments time and time again for the slightest things. Make him
remember the happy moments you shared together, not the arguments.
